So I quit xanga a while ago--shortly after I got back from Paris maybe?  So that would make it more than a year.  I didn't journal online during that time--put all my thoughts into a handwritten journal but now having sat in my efficiency apartment for 12 days straight talking only to Emily during her two day visit, the neighbor Brad when he is out smoking a cigar and Bri and Eric during the two times I have met them, my life has been incredibly void of human contact and putting my thoughts into a handwritten journal where they will sit and fester doesn't seem like a very appealing option.  So I send my thoughts out into the void where there is a somewhat remote possibility that someone somewhere will read them.

It sucks being alone sometimes.  I am usually a people person--meaning I like to have people on call for when I want to hang out aka when my fiercely private loner side takes a vacation.  So while I have been living alone in Ames for something like 12 days there have been moments when I have really enjoyed it--like when I baked banana bread, or when I can lay in bed and read out of pleasure (not when I can lay in bed and read merely in hopes of passing the time).  There have been other times when I yearn so badly for human contact that I stalk the movements of my neighbor's girlfriend (I am afraid of her--she has cheap rims on her Sunfire) in hopes that she will leave and I can coax him outside for a smoke.  Pathetic.

I am ready for school to start so I will have something to do with my time and my alone at home time will feel more like a blessing than an often-times punishment.  At the same time I am not ready for school because that means I will be working for the school and I am deathly afraid that they will discover that I am not at all qualified to teach a speech course (having only taken one in my undergraduate career).  That could be an interesting turn of events.

Not to sound too depressing or manic or insane or whatever but last night a big storm front pushed through and for a while it was pretty exciting.  Not just because of the high winds wreaking havoc on construction sight across the way (piles of stuff falling over, big bangs and clanks) and the lightning and thunder.  Some small part of me was wishing for something more drastic to happen--something like, large hail hits car, piece of flying construction debris flies through the plate glass windows of my apartment, or Marc ends up huddling in his shower stall as the building is sucked away around him.  Just for the excitement--and possibly for a little bit of "the family will be here to see you in 6 hours."  Feeling alone and missing people can really fuck with your head sometimes.

Did anyone know about the vastly changed system to change the look and feel of your Xanga?  I just thought I would do a quick update, and I discovered a world of new opportunities.  If you are reading this through a subscription browser, I suggest you click on my link and look at what I did--if only so you can see the possibilities for your own Xanga.  Perhaps this will spur a Xanga revival?

I didn't really do a whole lot yesterday.  I have officially rediscovered the wide array of satellite movie channels.  My dad called me around noon yesterday to remind me that I had errands to run in town so I god ready and accomplished a few things.  I took my financial aid package acceptance sheet into my school--walking around campus is certainly weird.  I ran into to the library to fill out my summer availability sheet and say hello to some people--apparently I will be dressed as an alien fortune teller for the family summer reading party.  As long as I get a paycheck I will deal with it.  I returned a movie--that too five minutes, and it was on the way home.

Today was worse in terms of productivity, although I did make a fabulous spaghetti with a fresh sauce (that had italian sausage in it).  I also managed to give both dogs a bath and register for a chemistry course I still need to graduate (why do humanities and arts majors need to know how to balance chemical equations?).  I think I did something else, but I can't remember.

Other than that I have been watching movies.  Coach Carter, Cider House Rules, Baby Boon, Pride and Prejudice, High Tension, The Prestige, Cars...and some other ones.  I know there were more, because that is clearly all I have done with myself the past two days.

I really missed Paris today.  The metro, the food, the bars, the friends.  Has anyone noticed that US currency is horribly boring?  It gets slightly better if you happen to get one of the new tens or twenties, but those only happen every once in a while.  The massive amounts of green I see when I open my door are nice, but weird.  There is so much green here.  Ug.

The fact that I am even stressing over this leads me to believe that I must not have a social life here.  This ridiculously expensive custom made couch is clearly my closest friend right now.